Love and reality are not interconnected.

I feel the need to love, I really do. But when I actually do, it makes me feel nauseous and suffocated. Maybe I have had too many blah relationships. And after each one I lay down hurt, but get up eventually, dust my hands and move on. It is not that they didn’t care for me, or me not for them.But I guess there was no real spark. It is not like I have been screwed over in relationships, I just don’t seem to find the connection.

I have stopped making the effort, coz I know I will be eventually fine , no matter what. So I have stopped having delusional romantic thoughts of spending my life with a person.

And this is kind of sad, as I was a genuinely a romantic person. I had hope and optimism and fun. And it is like when I saw you, my earth had shifted. It no longer revolved around the sun, but around you. Everything you touched ,saw and felt, gained life of its own, brimming with happiness of being a part of your thought and space.

Now it is like I had poured all my romanticism into that few weeks. And I was never able to ignite it again. You took away things from me.Everything I said to u , u kept, and took all of those words, feelings away. So when u left, I felt cold. Like love was not meant for me.

And everybody else who came along, was always a pale flickering candlelight ,while u had been the bright sun, the memories of which keep you warm even on the coldest night